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I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
My friend wants to know if you think Iām hot.
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
I hope that man who was walking in memphis found out the way he really felt
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it`s an intervention.
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. Iām not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.