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I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
Cops never say “thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed”. It’s just plain selfish.
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.