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Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
Most problems can be solved with nudity
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
Excuse me sir, where do you keep the "Whoomp"? Oh, there it is.
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.