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The only technique I`ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I`m concerned
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?