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"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
I love my toilet. We`ve been through alot of sh!t together.
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
Somebody tell me how "Rub a dub dub, 3 men in a tub" became a nursery rhyme?
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.