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When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
I was just thinking, which is the biggest thing I plan on accomplishing today.
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.