Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
Why do people say ``I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women