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Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.