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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
Stairs are like rock climbing after a bottle of vodka.
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
Paused Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory to go buy a Snickers. This is why I can`t watch Breaking Bad.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?