Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
It`s weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
Word for the day is asstard
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional