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If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
Everyone can stop painting. We all have cameras that can take perfect pictures of everything.
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
I need more people like me in my life
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light