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Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.