Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
This patience thing takes forever.
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks