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I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
I built that beach a sandcastle. Beaches love sandcastles.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
My life is just one long improvisation.
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.