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McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!