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If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....