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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one.
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.