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Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
The black sheep always have the best stories.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
Sometimes I like to take a roll of duct tape and use it to cover up all the Mondays on my desk calendar.
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.