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Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
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