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Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."