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I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
I mixed Taco Bell sauce into my Ramen Noodles, It tastes exactly like poverty.
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....