Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life
Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
Don`t act like your not impressed.
Stages of Drunk: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don`t wake up the cows.
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
Iām glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
Got kicked out of the casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.