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I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
Practice safe text – use commas and never miss a period.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.