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Someone cut in front of me in the salad bar line today. I didn`t do anything because anyone who wants a salad that badly terrifies me.
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....