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Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.