Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
My wife has a thing for bringing injured animals home... I think she should just stop driving.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.
Running away doesn`t help your problems, unless you`re fat. Then yeah, run away.
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...