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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it`s like...I don`t care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I`ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...