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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
Didn’t Selfie Sticks used to be called Friends?
Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.