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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
I am not as think as you drunk I am
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
I don`t know what I`d do without coffee...Probably twenty five to life in the state penitentiary.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...