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It`s really ironic that I mostly use my driver`s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)