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One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
Cliff diving? No thanks. I get all of my near death thrills by rolling my eyes when my wife asks me to move my feet while she vacuums.
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat."
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.