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An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
My mom says I`m special.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
This status has been censored by Facebook
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.