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I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
Childhood is like being drunk: Everyone remembers what you did except you.
As it turns out, I’m not an afternoon person either.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.