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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
Iām pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
I never think twice about helping others.In fact, I never think once about it.