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I`m only a morning person on December 25th
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
The first sign of laziness:
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!