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That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I`m just kidding ... there`s no pizza.
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.