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I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
Never take advice from someone more miserable than you are.
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don`t they get taller dancers?
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!