Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.