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I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.