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I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
"The secret is that it`s all in the wrist!" -My grandfather talking about golf or handjobs or something
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
Happy Birthday to all those ladies that their men forgot about because it falls on Super Bowl Sunday this year.
My own personal hell sounds great, actually
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.