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Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.