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If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday. ;)
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.