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They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
My neighbor`s are going out of town for the weekend so I finally have the house to myself.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
So red or white wine with hamburger helper?
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.