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If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard... PILLOW FIGHT!
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
"Nothing there? Better bark at it." - my dog