Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
So last night I put a whopee cushion on moms chair, waited and finally heard it go off.. I walk in with a massive smile on my face to find out that she hadn`t even sat on it yet.
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.