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Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
Facebook is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
I`ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can`t live without
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.