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If I were my boss, I`d never leave my coffee cup unattended.
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Raising teenagers is easy, they sleep 16 hours day, eat the other 8, and the only word in their vocab is "ok"
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.