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I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
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iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”