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Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
Condoms prevent minivans.
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.