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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.