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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.