Daily Silly Status

I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..

Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.

I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime

Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.

I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.

I may have just inadvertently accomplished something

that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box

Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.

I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.

Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.

If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.

FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.

My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"

Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!

My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.