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Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.