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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
I try not to laugh at my own jokes… but we all know I’m Hilarious.
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.
Im still waiting for Anheuser-Bush to name a beer "responsibly" so i can drink it!