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My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
Shall I compare thee to a Summer`s Eve? For thou art a douche.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
Does this couch I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
I`m laying on my yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I`m in "downward facing chalk outline".
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.