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A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
When I was a kid I remember I fell asleep in the couch and woke up in the bed, now I fall asleep in the couch and wake up on the floor.
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!