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Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
I believe in love at first episode.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
When I get in an elevator, before I press a button I look at everyone inside and say “Are you ready to take this sh!t to a whole new level?”