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If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team
The older I get the better I used to be.