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Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.