Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....