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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
People think I`m a hugger, but I`m actually shaking them down for snacks.
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...